


we fell in love in october

by cashtonglows



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ashton Irwin Being an Idiot, Astrology, Calum Hood Being an Idiot, Cooking, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Luke Hemmings & Ashton Irwin Friendship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Swearing, You know the vibes, ashton likes the moon, cashton in da kitchen bc that makes my heart warm, even tho its november, ok enjoy bye ilu, tiny reference to the talk too much fic, we fell in love in october type beat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:22:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27648131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cashtonglows/pseuds/cashtonglows
Summary: He wasn’t lying, there really was a full moon that night. But there was also a full moon on February 8th, 2012. The day Ashton Irwin realized he was head over heels in love with Calum Hood.—Ashton Irwin really, really likes the moon. He also really, really likes Calum Hood.—inspired by "We Fell in Love in October" by girl in red!
Relationships: Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin
Kudos: 20





	we fell in love in october

**Author's Note:**

> hi!  
> im back w another fic of my cashton babies n it's inspired by one of my favorite songs! i wrote this in october, but i kept forgetting to post it so here it is haha  
> okay that's all, love u!  
> lou

Ashton didn’t exactly have a reason for why he was alone, laying on his roof and staring up at the October night sky in complete awe.

It was cold. He was dressed in sweats and a jacket that was far too lightweight to be anything more than an accessory to an outfit, and Ashton was shivering slightly. And it wasn’t like the stone tile roof was comfortable. It was _stone tile _, and Ashton didn’t bring a pillow or anything because he felt like it would ruin the energy.__

____

There was also the fact that Ashton was alone. Alone, on his roof, in the middle of the night.

____

But the _moon _.__

______ _ _

Ashton had always been fascinated by the moon, despite being relentlessly teased for years by Michael. There was something about the spiritual side of life that got him so interested in it, as well as tarot cards, astrology, crystals, you name it. It was more of a guilty pleasure, if Ashton was honest. He wasn’t about to go talking about his rising sign in their next interview about the album, or make a speech about his morning tarot reading at shows.

______ _ _

But, still, he loved it. It was interesting and made him feel like he wasn’t alone in the huge and terrifying thing that was the universe.

______ _ _

The moon was full that night, which was something Ashton was trying to figure out how to interpret. Typically, full moons represented a sense of completion, but he usually saw it as a realization of desires, since the night Michael asked him to join the band was a full moon.

______ _ _

Or, at least, that was the explanation Ashton gave whenever someone asked him what he thought full moons meant (which didn’t happen often). And he wasn’t lying, there really was a full moon that night. But there was also a full moon on February 8th, 2012.

______ _ _

The day Ashton Irwin realized he was head over heels in love with Calum Hood.

______ _ _

There were also full moons the night Calum told Ashton that he was his best friend (to which Ashton replied “you’re mine, but I always thought your best friend was Michael”, to which Calum laughed and complained about Michael’s troubles with controlling his volume), the first night they spent together in their new apartment, and the night they wrote ‘Best Friend’, which was really meant to stay as a demo.

______ _ _

But maybe Ashton was reading too much into things.

______ _ _

It wasn’t like Calum was on the roof with him. He was buried under warm blankets, sound asleep in his apartment, just a few miles away from Ashton’s.

______ _ _

That was when Ashton heard the footsteps.

______ _ _

He sat up quickly, ready to use the very minimal skills from what he had remembered of the one self defense class management had made them take. “Hello?” Ashton called out, voice wavering. Panic was starting to set in, and Ashton silently cursed himself for not bringing his phone or something to defend himself, like a bat or something but, really, why would someone bring a bat onto the roof with them in the middle of the night? And now that he was thinking about it, why was Ashton on the roof in the middle of the night because—

______ _ _

“Ash? ‘S that you?” A small voice with a fading Australian accent put Ashton’s whirling mind to a sudden halt.

______ _ _

And Ashton would know that voice anywhere.

______ _ _

“Calum!” He cried out, practically deflating with relief when he saw the dark but familiar figure on the roof next to him. “Jesus, fuck, you freaked me out. Thought I was going to have to get… you know what, never mind.” Ashton shook his head to get himself to stop talking. “What are you, um, is everything okay?”

______ _ _

Calum finally settled next to Ashton, whose skin felt like it was on fire as it brushed up against Calum’s. “Yeah, yeah. ‘M fine.” Calum mumbled.

______ _ _

Calum was definitely not fine.

______ _ _

“Liar.” Ashton teased in a feeble attempt to lighten Calum’s mood, giving him a soft nudge. “What’s up?”

______ _ _

Calum looked up at the moon, staying silent for a couple of moments before speaking in a quiet voice. “Moon’s big tonight.” He commented, and Ashton didn’t miss the way his voice shook.

______ _ _

Ashton gave Calum a worried glance (because why was his best friend not telling him what was going on?), eventually tearing his gaze away and looking at the moon himself. “Yeah. It’s, um, it’s a full moon.” Ashton finally responded, hoping he didn’t sound snobby.

______ _ _

Calum didn’t seem to think so, though, and he just nodded quietly. “What’s it mean?” He asked, keeping his eyes locked on the moon.

______ _ _

Ashton looked at Calum again, confused. “Suddenly interested in this shit now?” He questioned, being sure to keep his voice light.

______ _ _

Calum just shrugged silently in response. His eyes were still avoiding Ashton’s, but Ashton tried not to think about it.

______ _ _

He looked away from Calum and back up at the sky. “When the moon’s full, it’s sort of like a peak of clarity. Everything is supposed to show itself to you and suddenly make sense.” Ashton ignored the voice inside of him screaming to touch him, hold him, kiss him, _love _him as he continued. “All your feelings are supposed to be amplified, which makes sense because heightened and intense emotions are clearer and easier to make sense of.”__

________ _ _ _ _

It was quiet for a minute or so after that. Calum had leaned his body against Ashton’s in the time he was explaining the moon, and Ashton only noticed it when he finished speaking and felt his heart hammering in his chest. Calum’s head was on his shoulder, and Ashton could feel his breath on his neck.

________ _ _ _ _

Now that he thought about it, Ashton wasn’t so cold anymore.

________ _ _ _ _

“Couldn’t sleep.” Calum said bluntly, cutting through the silence. “Mind won’t shut up.”

________ _ _ _ _

Ashton hummed. He was pretty sure that was what happened. Calum’s words and sentences usually became clipped and slightly slurred when he was lacking a good sleep.

________ _ _ _ _

Still, he moved closer to Calum, their legs now overlapping and entangling themselves around each other. “So you came here? To my roof?”

________ _ _ _ _

“To your place.” Calum corrected. “Saw you weren’t in your bed, saw the open window.”

________ _ _ _ _

Ashton didn’t say anything. He wanted to ask Calum what he would’ve done if Ashton was in his bed. Would he have woken him up? Gotten in with him? God, it had been forever since the two shared a bed. Calum probably didn’t miss it, but, _fuck _, Ashton did. A lot.__

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton felt Calum shift around next to him, reaching into his back pocket for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter before leaning back against Ashton the way he started.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton gave Calum a pointed look, moving his eyes from the cigarette Calum had lit and back up to his eyes. Calum scoffed, putting the cigarette in his mouth and taking a hit. “Don’t even start, Ash. ‘M too tired to think about quitting.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton rolled his eyes, taking the cigarette from Calum’s mouth and putting it in his own. He shrugged off the surprised look he got from Calum, taking it out of his mouth once he took a hit. “Maybe I’m too tired, too.” Ashton said softly, looking Calum in the eyes.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

They held eye contact for a moment before Calum smiled tiredly, reaching for another cigarette and lighting it. Smoke swirled around in the air before disappearing completely into the black sky above them. Ashton watched as the stars twinkled, and he liked to think that it was the smoke that made them shine brighter, even though he knew it was complete bullshit.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton felt Calum’s eyes on him, a warm heat that wasn’t completely unwelcome, and he looked away from the sky to meet them. “What?” He asked, a smile on his face.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum took the cigarette out of his mouth and exhaled slowly through his nose. “You look so pretty.” He said. Calum had spoken so quietly, Ashton had to strain to hear him.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Once he did hear him, though, his cheeks flushed red, and thank fuck it was dark outside.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton gave a light laugh and a soft thank you, trying to stop his mind from repeating Calum’s words.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

_You look so pretty. Calum called you pretty. You look so pretty. Calum thinks you’re pretty. ___

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I see why you do this type of thing.” Calum added, looking back at the sky as if he hadn’t broken Ashton’s mind with four words just seconds before. “So relaxing. And I love this view.”

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton smiled softly when Calum leaned his head back on his shoulder, shifting even closer to him in the process. “Love it, too.”

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

This would definitely be added to Ashton’s list of Calum related crises that occur on full moons.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Think fall is my favorite season.” Calum murmured.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton hummed. “Yeah? Why’s that?”

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum was quiet for a few seconds, as if he really wanted to give Ashton a good answer (like Ashton would ever think anything that came out of Calum’s mouth wasn’t the most perfect thing he had ever heard). “Dunno. ‘S peaceful. Quiet. Makes me think.”

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton nodded as best he could with Calum’s head tucked between his shoulder and neck. “What are you thinking about?”

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum bit his lip, like he was contemplating even answering Ashton’s question. Like he had an answer, but he was too afraid to say anything. The thought made Ashton’s heart speed up a bit, and he hoped Calum couldn’t feel it.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“All that stuff you said, about the full moon, heightened feelings and all that… ‘s all true?” Calum asked slowly.

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton leaned back, causing Calum to sit up and lock eyes with him. “I think so.”

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum nodded, taking a breath. “Have you ever been in love?”

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton’s heart stopped. “I think so.”

____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

They stared at each other for a few more tense, heavy moments, both full of doubt and hesitation. Ashton swore he saw something in Calum’s eyes flicker, but he didn’t let himself believe it. He had spent so long forcing himself to stop thinking like that because he _couldn’t _think like that, and he wasn’t starting now, not tonight.__

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He couldn’t take it anymore. “It’s getting late.” Ashton said quietly, hating himself for saying the words as soon as they left his mouth.

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Whatever flicker that could've been in Calum’s eyes dimmed, and he nodded. “D’you want me to…? Didn’t bring my keys, but I can just…”

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum’s words trailed off, disappearing into the air just like the smoke from the cigarettes, and Ashton shook his head. “Stay here.” He breathed out, hoping he didn’t sound too much like he was begging.

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum nodded again, silent this time. The two looked at each other for a moment more, both desperately clinging onto whatever they had shared just a few seconds ago, before Calum stood up and offered his hand to Ashton.

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

They climbed down from Ashton’s roof and back into his house, keeping their hands together the whole time. They only let go when Calum walked out of Ashton’s room and towards the couch in the living room, where he laid down, taking the throw blanket next to him.

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton squeezed his eyes shut, pushing the voices out of his mind for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Ask him to sleep in your bed. There’s more than enough room, Ash. ___

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He didn’t say a word.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton laid in his own bed, alone. And for the first time since he and Calum had been on the roof and despite all the blankets, he felt cold again.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

——

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When Ashton woke up, he had almost forgotten what happened the night before. And then he got to remember it all over again.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The moon, the rooftops, the cigarettes, Calum.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Fuck, Ashton was so gone for this boy.

________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Fuck, where _was _this boy?__

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Because the way Ashton’s house was arranged, you could see half of the couch from a certain angle in Ashton’s bed, and Calum wasn’t there. Had he left? Ran back home because he was too embarrassed of whatever the fuck happened last night? Did Ashton do—

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And then Ashton heard his oven beep.

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Of course Calum was making breakfast. Because that was such a Calum thing to do. And that was why Ashton loved him.

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton got up, not even bothering to put on the shitty jacket he was wearing the night before, and walked out of his bedroom and towards the kitchen. And that was when he heard the voice.

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“…before I go crazy.” Calum sighed. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I just thought after…”

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And, oh. Calum wasn’t going insane. He was on the phone. Right, got it. And Ashton was eavesdropping. Which he really never intended to do, and he turned around to go wait a bit for Calum to finish until he heard his name.

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“But Ash… it’s not his fault, he doesn’t know.” Calum protested, and Ashton’s interest was piqued.

__________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

What doesn’t he know? _Fuck _, what doesn’t he know? Ashton’s mind raced as he waited for Calum’s next words.__

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“…think I should… how I feel?” Calum murmured.

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum was lovesick. Ashton felt a pang of misery. Calum was in love with someone else. And that was what Ashton didn’t know, and he had tried to make something out of nothing last night. It wasn’t his fault.

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He fought the urge to crumble to the floor in a puddle of tears because he was Calum’s best friend first. He wanted him to be happy. And if that meant that Ashton was miserable for a few months, so what? He could get over it, would get over it.

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Yeah, okay. Thanks, Lu.” Calum finished, saying his goodbyes and hanging up the phone before putting into the pocket of his sweats.

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton watched as Calum put his head in his hands, standing there lost for a second or two. The oven beeped again, startling both of them, and Ashton bumped into the wall, completely ruining any kind of secrecy he had been hoping for.

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Ash? That you?” Calum called out, pressing a button on the oven as Ashton stepped into the kitchen.

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Hi, sorry, hi. I was just—” Ashton stopped himself because he really had no idea where he was going. “You’re making breakfast?”

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum smiled softly and looked down at what looked like egg muffins in the oven. “Trying one of those recipes you keep sending me on that stupid Pinterest board you’re obsessed with.” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Probably isn’t as good as your dishes, but I tried.”

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton mirrored Calum’s smile and grabbed a pair of oven mitts from the drawer, taking the food out of the oven and setting it on the stove. “I’m sure it’s perfect, Cali.” He said, making sure his voice was dripping with sweetness.

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum rolled his eyes in mock disgust, taking the mitts right off of Ashton’s hands and putting them back in the drawer. He sat on the counter as Ashton moved the egg muffins to a serving plate, and Ashton felt his eyes on him, reminding him painfully of the night before.

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton tried not to think about how domestic this was, how perfect they fit together.

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He couldn’t think like that. Not now, not this morning.

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Once the breakfast was on the serving plate, the two moved to eat on the couch (only because Calum wanted to be “comfortable while he surveyed his creation” or whatever the hell that meant). They ate, making comfortable, easy conversation about Luke and Sierra’s recent Instagram post or how Michael needed to do another Twitch stream soon. Neither of them mentioned the night before on the rooftops, and Ashton wasn’t sure if he wanted it to stay that way.

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Once they were finished, Ashton checked his phone only to find unread texts from Luke. He unlocked his phone, raising his eyebrows at what he read.

____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Talk to him. Michael and I are sick of this bullshit. ___

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton blinked up at Calum, who was staring out the window at the sunrise. “Have you talked to Lu—”

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Can we watch the sunrise?” Calum cut him off, even though Ashton knew he was well aware he was mid sentence.

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton made a stuttering sound, surprised, but he nodded nonetheless. “Um, sure, yeah. Let me just go get a shirt.” He stood up and walked back towards his room, stopping when he thought of something. “Is the roof okay?” Ashton called, knowing how much pressure was in those four words.

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

There was a pause, then a breath. Then Calum’s voice. “Yeah, that’s perfect.”

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton closed his eyes in relief, pulling a crew neck over his shoulders and opening his window for Calum, who had followed him in. Once Calum was up, he offered Ashton his hand, something both of them knew would spark last night again in their minds, but they ignored it. Again.

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton took it, climbing up to the roof and settling back to where they were last night. Calum’s head fell against Ashton’s shoulder, their legs overlapping and entangled, both looking up at the orange and pink sky.

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Finally, Ashton said something. “Cal, can I ask you something?”

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum looked away from the sky, his dark eyes meeting Ashton’s hazel ones. “Go ahead.”

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Why did you… last night. What happened?” Ashton stuttered out, rolling his eyes at himself. “Like, you said your mind wouldn’t shut up, but there had to have been something else, something more. What was it?”

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum’s eyes grew slightly wider, and he flicked his gaze down to the stone tile of Ashton’s roof. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel weird or anything.”

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton shook his head. “You didn’t—”

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum waved him off. “I just…” He trailed off, looking up at the sky as if it would show him the right words to say. “Have you ever wanted something so badly, but at the same time you hoped it would never happen because it might ruin everything? And then you’re not sure what to do because the thought of never having it was its own kind of torture?” Calum’s eyes moved down to Ashton’s, searching his gaze desperately.

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton blinked, trying not to think about the irony of the situation. “I felt that way about the band in the beginning.” He offered, the pain of his love for Calum rattling around inside of him. “Like I’d thrown everything away for something that might not get me anywhere in life. But I wanted it so bad. And I think that’s when you know.”

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum’s face was creased with worry. He seemed so different from the cheerful, loving Calum that Ashton had fallen in love with, and it made his chest ache. “Cal? Please tell me what’s going on.”

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum was watching him carefully, eyes sweeping over Ashton’s entire face like he was trying to commit it to memory, like this would be his last chance to see it. “I don’t want to lose…anything important to me.” Calum said carefully. “But if I don’t try…I’ll go out of my mind wondering what could have been, what my life would have been like if…if I wasn’t so damn _afraid _.” His eyes were glassy, like he was on the brink of tears.__

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton imagined reaching out and stroking Calum’s face, painting over the unhappiness there with the love that flowed from his fingertips when Calum was around. He almost missed what Calum said next. “Ash, what would you do if you were me?”

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton swallowed, hoping the advice he was about to give wasn’t too selfish. “Well, I guess if you want something enough that just the thought of not having it makes you feel this bad, then I think you owe it to yourself to try. If it doesn’t work out, then I know you’ll be okay. But if you don’t go for it, then you’re going to feel like this for the rest of your life.” Ashton said carefully. “There’s nothing you could be risking that’s worth going through what you’re doing to yourself right now for a lifetime.”

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum had laid down on his back, eyes trained up at the sky thoughtfully. “I guess you’re right. But that’s part of the problem. I already have everything I need. It’s just that… I want it to be more, better.” He was silent for a moment. “Maybe I’m just being selfish.” He said quietly. “Maybe it’s not meant to be anything more than it already is and I’m just being greedy. I— I can’t live like this.” Calum choked out. His eyes were starting to brim with tears. “If I mess this up, nothing will ever be okay again. I just—” He choked over his words and covered his face.

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Calum,” Ashton, who was now laying on his side next to Calum. said softly, reaching up to touch his cheek. He gently angled Calum’s head to look at him. And Ashton saw that a single tear had escaped Calum’s eye and was travelling down his face. He brushed it away and he swore that Calum had stopped breathing for a second.

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Cal,” he said again. “What if I told you that everything would be okay, that you wouldn’t lose anything? Would you trust me?” He had taken ahold of Calum’s other hand and pulled it to his chest, resting their clasped hands over his heart. This was it. This was his chance. He had heard and seen so much that he hadn’t before, and if Calum couldn’t say it, Ashton would say it for both of them. He had to, or he would burst from the overwhelming feeling building in his chest.

________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Because Ashton was finally, _finally _desperate.__

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“What are you saying, Ash?”

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I’m answering the question we’re both too fucking stubborn to ask.”

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum’s eyes widened. “You’re sure we’re both asking the same thing?”

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton looked at Calum for a moment, taking in the way his curls framed his face so delicately, the blush of his cheeks, the deep brown of his eyes. This was the boy he wanted to fall asleep next to every night for the rest of his life, and Calum was actually admitting that he felt the same, after all these years.

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton’s heart swelled. He’d been waiting for this moment for so long. He never would have guessed he’d have no time to prepare.

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure of it.” He focused his gaze on Calum’s eyes, using them as a beacon to guide him. “Calum, I’ve waited so long to tell you. I never thought I’d get the chance, but… I— I, God, this is so hard.” He looked at Calum, who was watching him keenly now. Calum squeezed the hand that was held to Ashton’s chest. Ashton didn’t know where to start, but he could feel the time ticking by. He had to find the right words before he lost his shot again.

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Before he made this morning too much like last night

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“You’re my best friend, and you’ve been a part of my life for so long that I can't remember what it was like before you. When I need someone, you’re there. When I have good news, you’re the first person I call. Even on my worst days, you turn my mood around just by being there. You don’t even have to try. I just…” Ashton was rambling now, and Luke’s constant criticism of “you talk too much” rang in his head.

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Calum was just lying there, watching him with a guarded expression on his face.

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ashton drew a breath to continue. “I guess what I’m trying to tell you is that you mean so much to me, Cal. You’re the most important person in my life. I’ll follow you anywhere, do anything you want. And as much as I’ve tried… I can’t— I can’t feel that with anyone else. And I don't want to.”

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

His eyes were watering now. He turned his head so Calum wouldn’t see, but he could probably hear it in the way Ashton’s voice broke a little. “And I always hoped you couldn’t see it. I hoped you’d never find out because I didn’t know what you’d say if you did. I didn’t even know if you’d still be friends with me.” He sniffled a little, unable to stop himself.

__________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Ash.” Calum whispered.

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Ashton wouldn’t look at him. He couldn’t. Calum didn’t say any more, but Ashton felt the brush of Calum’s hand on his arm, stroking his skin softly.

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Ashton couldn’t take the silence, feeling the words building up in his head as he scrambled to put them in order. So what if Luke thought he talked too much? Calum was his world, and he had to tell him everything.

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“I heard you. I heard you on the phone with Luke this morning.” He looked up quickly, hoping to see a clue in Calum’s expression that he understood. Calum’s eyes were widened in surprise. “I wasn’t sure what you were talking about, but then you started talking about being lovesick.” Ashton confessed. “And I understand if it’s with someone else, but everything you just said… I don’t know, I couldn’t hold it back anymore.”

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Calum looked like he was weighing words in his head, unsure of whether he should speak or let Ashton continue. In that moment, Ashton knew that he wanted to be the one to say it. He had been holding his feelings back for so long that now that he was slowly letting them go, they battered against the dam in his mind. He had nothing left to do but to open the gate.

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“Calum, there’s something I need to tell you.” Ashton looked up at Calum, and their eyes met like magnets. He squeezed Calum’s hand. It had to be now, because it couldn’t be never. “I’m in love with you. I love you so much that it hurts. And I don’t care anymore if you feel the same or not. I just need you to know that you’re everything to me. And if you never want to see me again, I still won’t change a thing.

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“We’ve grown together and made so many beautiful memories. You’re a part of my life that can never be replaced. You’re so much a part of me that… when you’re not here, I feel like half of me is missing. And when you are here, the world could fall apart all around us, and I wouldn’t even notice or care. Because as long as I have you, nothing else matters.” Ashton tried to say more, but the feeling of Calum’s arm circling his waist and pulling him close interrupted his train of thought.

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“Ash, stop.” Calum said softly. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And you’re the one thing I’d never be willing to give up. I don’t know how or when it happened, but…” Calum took a deep breath before huffing it out. “I fell in love with you, too. Pretty hard. I was so worried that you’d never feel the same. It was so hard to hide that sometimes I didn’t even try to.

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“I thought maybe you would see and either say you felt something too, or let me down easy. But you never seemed to notice. It’s been tearing me apart to keep something so important a secret from you, but I thought I was doing the only thing that would keep you close. Because if I’m being honest, there’s nothing and no one I’d rather have. I don’t even want to remember the time before I knew you, because my heart had never truly beat until the first day I saw you smile at me.” Calum looked Ashton right in the eye and took both of Ashton’s hands in his. “Now my heart only beats when you’re around. So I’m afraid I have no choice but to keep you near me. Forever.”

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If Ashton hadn’t been lying down already, he would have fainted. Calum, his best friend and the only person he’d ever really wanted, was confessing his love for him. And it was overwhelming and exciting and everything he’d never thought would happen to him. His dream coming true was so close; all he had to do was reach out and grasp it.

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“How close?” Ashton asked, after what seemed like an eon of silence.

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“What do you mean, Ash?”

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“How close do you need me to be to keep your heart beating?” Ashton’s heart was hammering in his chest.

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He allowed himself a moment to get lost in the brown eyes he’d loved for so long. Calum leaned in so that their faces were almost touching. His lips twitched into a sultry smirk. “Hmm. Let's try this close.” Calum whispered.

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And then their lips connected in a slow passion.

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This was it: the kiss Ashton had waited what felt like forever for. And it was everything he’d dreamed of. Calum’s lips were soft and warm, moving carefully against his. Calum’s hand reached up to stroke Ashton’s cheek softly. Ashton sighed into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Calum, relishing the feel of the boy he loved in his arms.

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Ashton broke the kiss for a moment to whisper against Calum’s lips. “Is this close enough?”

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“I’m afraid not.” Calum replied with a smirk.

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“Then show me.” Ashton dared, leaning his forehead against Calum’s.

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Calum pressed himself closer, so close that Ashton swore there wasn’t an inch of their bodies that wasn’t not touching. Ashton kissed him slowly and deeply, savoring the feel of Calum after waiting so long. “Cal.” He said, the name rolling off his tongue as easy as breathing. Ashton’s heart was full to bursting, and he hoped it would never let up.

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Ashton reluctantly broke apart to take a breath, and he ended up looking down at the ground, his mind spinning. Then he felt Calum’s hand on his jaw, tracing his gaze back up to meet his eyes. “Don’t bother looking down, Ash.” Calum whispered softly. “We’re not going that way.”

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Ashton smiled softly, kissing Calum again. And again and again and again. Because he finally, finally could.

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Calum pulled back for a moment, looking sheepish. “Ash, as much as I would love to continue… my phone has been blowing up this whole time, and it’s starting to get distracting.”

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Ashton hummed, trying to push away the disappointment that was ringing in his head. Just over a minute spent making out with the boy he had declared his undying love for, and he already wanted to stop to check his phone?

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Calum must have felt Ashton’s shift in mood, and he shoved him teasingly in response as he sat up. “Don’t get sour on me now. I wanna make sure nothing’s wrong, yeah?”

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Ashton sat up and smiled softly because despite it all, Calum knew him. And that might be scary to some, but it made Ashton’s heart swell.

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Calum giggled quietly when he read the texts (and if Ashton melted at the sound, well, nobody needed to know), and he put his phone back in his pocket. “It was Michael. Asking if we got everything figured out because apparently they’ve both known this whole time.”

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“Doesn’t surprise me.” Ashton laughed, nudging Calum’s shoulder lightly. “Luke texted me this morning.”

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Calum snorted. And then he was laughing again. A lot. Fits of giggles were tumbling from his mouth, and Ashton couldn’t not laugh with him, even though he was completely lost.

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“What?” Ashton asked through his laughter.

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Calum took a shaky breath and looked at Ashton with a smile. “It’s just… I’ve been waiting so long. So long for all of this to happen, and it could’ve happened so much sooner.”

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Ashton couldn’t stop the light laughter that came out. “We’re pretty fucking clueless, aren’t we?”

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Calum nodded, breaking eye contact with a final giggle before laying back down on his back, Ashton doing the same. They both stared at the sky for a few minutes, watching the final bits of the sun melt into the sky, the orange and yellow fading into a soft blue.

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“I love you.” Ashton said, and it felt like it was floating.

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He looked into Calum’s eyes, and he knew he wasn’t afraid anymore. The feelings he had been guarding for years were finally safe to be unveiled in Calum’s arms, who would treat them tenderly despite being the only one with the power to crush them.

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“I’m sorry I was so scared.” Calum whispered, and Ashton swore he could read his mind.

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Ashton just shook his head and reached down to intertwine their hands together. “I think we did it right, in some ways. I still want to be your friend, your best friend. Just the one you fall hopelessly in love with everyday.” He added, running his free hand along Calum’s cheekbone. “I’m yours. And not just in any way you’ll have me, but in every way.”

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Calum nodded, peppering Ashton’s lips with more kisses. He whispered his own declarations in between each kiss. I love you’s fell past his lips like he was helpless to stop them.

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And, if Ashton really thought about it, Calum probably was helpless.

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They laid on Ashton’s roof for a while, but neither of them really knew how long they stayed up there. Maybe a minute, maybe an hour. Time melted away, and Ashton could hear the wind rustling the few leaves still left on the trees, but never telling them the time. Just letting them have this moment.

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It was moments like this, Aston decided, that he felt most at peace. Moments when he was surrounded by Calum, moments where their lips meet. Even with Ashton squeezing Calum against him, and with Calum’s head buried in Ashton’s neck, Ashton had never found it easier to breathe.

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It was this moment where Calum was Ashton’s world, and he was here to stay.

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**Author's Note:**

> kudos n comments are appreciated!  
> lou xx


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